I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
