my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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