I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
