6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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