God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
