Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
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