I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
If I die, sorry about rent.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
