At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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