that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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