and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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