I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
