I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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