I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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