i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
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He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
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