Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
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