my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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