first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I could make wine with my vomit
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
