why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
