I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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