K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
