Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
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