i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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