I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Randomize
