she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
