I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize