what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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