So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
