the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
