The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
