I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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