I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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