I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
