I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
