She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
