I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
