Me. At least after what I've been through.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
