i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
