No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
