Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
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