May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
