Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
