I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
