dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
