woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize