dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
