I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
