tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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