Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
