Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
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