You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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