one word: firstdatebathroomanal
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
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