Tell her she can't have a vagina
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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