I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
