Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
