We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
