Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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