Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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