To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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