drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
