Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
This is classic penis vs brain.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
