its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
