Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
