at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
