Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
