Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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