Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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