sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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