i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
