sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
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