I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
