no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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