Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
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