There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
