Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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