he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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