I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Randomize
