I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Randomize
