He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
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