I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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