home. puking in laundry basket.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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