Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
