do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
