I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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