Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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