So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
