Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
