I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize