You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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