my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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