I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
