had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
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You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
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And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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