Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
