So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
