hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
